[Shape-shifting kitsune, or manipulative ghosts... that was not supposed to be real. But none of this was. None of it.]
"Novel" is not what I would call it.
[More rustling, fabric shifting. Slow, because she is busy thinking instead of-]
It is... not comfortable.
[She almost called it painful, but that would be something of a lie. She had felt like she was suffocating at first, to lack four lungs and only rely on two. Having only one heart had made her feel so empty. But it was not "painful", it was just...]
[ He huffs out a vaguely amused breath. With Byleth having once suddenly awoken in dragon form and all, Yuri has some experience with wild changes in shape under his belt, but the two are different in more ways than one. For starters, past initial shock (and then disappointment that he'd done it in his sleep), Byleth had been eager to test the abilities of his new form.
It was strange, the mercenary had told him, but not unpleasant. In Hayame's case, it seems to be decidedly unpleasant indeed. ]
I won't deny that we can be fragile. But we've got other strengths, so it's just a matter of taking advantage of those when you need them.
[ He wants to say that she'll acclimate, but he doesn't know, and he suspects she wouldn't like the sound of it. So he focuses instead on practicality. ]
Stealth, for instance, seems to be something you've already considered.
[For all that she complained, Hayame knew well the strengths that humans had. They were not the same as jinba, though, and that is what threw her. Humans were more... more innovative, they had more numbers... and they could be more stealthy. That is what she is counting on.]
Everyone in Zenith, now in Highstorm too, after that Harbinger Oracle... They know of me as a "centaur". I stand out wherever I go.
[She pulls the curtain back, finally, revealing her form now clad in a much better fit, most of her swathed in cloth but for a single exposed eye, her dark hair and potentially identifiable face hidden with the way she has wrapped the headdress.]
[ Hayame raises a good point. Among Shardbearers, Hayame is unique. In that respect, it's difficult to evade notice, regardless of how little one may want attention. It would be potentially limiting in her pursuits.
Seeing how devoted she is to Meridian's cause, as well, that could have grown troublesome for her. But as she steps out, Yuri takes a few moments to thoughtfully assess her apparel. ]
...Worn like you do so every day.
[ With properly fitted garments, she doesn't stand out at all, save the fact that she's a fetching woman. ]
Anyone who doesn't know any better surely wouldn't suspect a thing.
Edited (not me mixing up details no siree) 2024-04-06 01:05 (UTC)
[If Hayame were the trusting type, then perhaps she would not have forced herself into this- to this scenario that she obviously finds uncomfortable and unfamiliar. She would trust that other Meridians would handle the things she could not, go where she could not go...
But she has always struggled with that. And the Oracles... what happened in the Iconoclast trial, the Harbinger trial... It only cemented for her, for better or for worse... that she needed to do more to make up for the weak amongst them.]
You surely exaggerate...
["Like she did every day"... she flusters just slightly and tugs at the garments, unused to having anything on her "hips" or legs.]
As long as it can fool the average eye I will make do with it...
[ It doesn't benefit her or their cause if he humors her. The original set of clothing was too large and it was clear Hayame had difficultied with those garments. These, though, make it evident that it was the fit itself rather than the lack of familiarity.
No doubt observing those around her and her own experience made it a simple task, even if it's an uncomfortable one. ]
I think the ensemble will suit your needs. Have you had much practice moving around in this form?
[... She will trust in that. He makes a decent point. As well-mannered as she found Yuri to be, there was a difference between being polite and actually failing to mention something tactically unsound. He knew why she was doing this- and it was. It was definitely the only reason she was doing this, so. That was just her... nerves.
And her discomfort with the very new and strange sensation of so many clothes beneath her waist. To test them more, she begins to circle in the dressing room, slow and somewhat awkward, the way she holds herself a bit... odd. Sort of like someone... used to having a nearly half ton equine lower half "behind" her.]
... A little.
[Liem had helped her practice walking, sitting, getting up and down, but...]
[ His eyes follow her movements. Doubtless she's done some practice, but— ]
Your gait's on the stiff side. [ He won't mince words, and suspects that he's telling her something that she already knows. ] There're ways to work on that though.
[ In the past, Yuri has had to do similar. He was born of exceedingly modest means, which is to say no means at all, but his looks had attracted the attention of the affluent. That had necessitated a need for poise, for a certain flowing grace.
Then there's the near-silent strides that came of thievery and assassination work. He may be well-equipped to help Hayame work the kinks out of her disguise simply because of how much adaptation he has needed to do. ]
[Some, yes. She has had... some. The first time she had transformed she had done it under the auspices of Liem Talbott, just in case something went wrong, but since then the few times she has practiced it has been alone. And though she has tried holding her weapons and going through training movements...]
I have only done training on my own. I cannot draw my bow like this.
[It is simply too powerful a weapon, intended for the draw strength of a woman who could effortlessly lift hundreds of pounds because of her weight and musculature, not for a human woman.]
But I can still wield the naginata.
[And she... she would simply have to procure a proper bow. Yes. But that aside... She stops pacing in order to look at Yuri head on this time, her jaw set firm and stubborn (not... scared, not uncomfortable, surely).]
... I thought you might also be of assistance in those fields, not simply fashion.
[... Though she had needed to clothes, first, before she could, you know. Do much of anything else.]
[ Having seen Hayame's bow, Yuri isn't surprised she can't wield it in this form. Perhaps Dimitri could, but that would be owed entirely to his incredible Blaiddyd strength.
Fortunately, when her goals involve stealth, not wielding a sizable bow isn't a problem. ]
I can certainly do that. That way I walk that people other than you don't hear? Well within your means to master.
[ Among other things. Yuri'd be useless in terms of how to handle equine legs, but when it comes to human ones? He's got ample experience with moving just so. ]
Knives may serve you well in place of a bow here, as well. Easily concealed, and mine are suited for throwing. With your experience, it strikes me as a natural fit.
[ A good eye for gauging distance and compensating for wind direction and target movement are all as necessary for a sniper as they are for someone throwing knives, after all. ]
[He says he can do it, teach her a way to walk silently... and now, when she feels as if her very gait is wrong and her hips do not move right and she does not put her toes or heels down right, that seems a very confident answer. But...
She had never thought she would read, and now... she could make out a few of the more basic words on the signs in the store.
For Yuri's sake, she bites back the instinctual comment on how unwarrior-like throwing knives seem to be as an honorable weapon. Instead... she just nods. As much as she wants to avoid fighting altogether when she is this weak, hopefully just using it to go where she could not as a jinba...]
I would appreciate it.
[There is something else she wanted to... something else she wished for, to learn to be able to do, but...]
Whatever needs to be done so that... I will feel human.
[ Yuri has the distinct impression that Hayame has more to say. Whether she wants to say what it is is another matter, but he trusts she'll speak her mind when she's good and ready. He's never known her to hold back though, so this is...different.
Well, he supposes she keeps more intimate business to herself, but most people do. That's her right. ]
Feel human or pass as human?
[ He asks, because with phrasing like that... She's a friend. He wonders. ]
You've always been human in all the ways that matter, as I see it. But having a clear image of your goal helps us get there.
[Judging by the slightly strange emotion that flickers across her face... Hayame did not seem to realize that she had said what she had until Yuri turns the question back on her. - Did she say "feel"? She had surely meant...
Her brow furrows. Her cheeks are slightly ruddy when she turns her gaze away.]
- "Pass". Or whatever the word. It does not matter.
[And if she thought anything else, it was... a fleeting weakness, that was all. A selfish thought that was probably... the path to insecurity and destruction. She shouldn't go down it anyway. Maybe... Maybe she shouldn't show Claude what this new bracelet of hers can do.]
As long as I grow accustomed to it to the point I do not feel so distracted in this shape.
[ It's interesting, the difference in how his friends approach access to different forms. Byleth had been incredibly eager once the disorientation passed, throwing himself headlong into testing out his dragon form and figuring out what it could do. He'd been rather disappointed to be flightless, but he had other tricks up his scaly sleeves.
Hayame, on the other hand... It must be a complicated thing, gaining a form that for others take for granted as normal and mundane. She's stood out among them all along, and now that she can blend in if she so chooses, she seems conflicted between what she wants and what she thinks she should pursue. ]
That's well within our capabilities.
[ Hayame can be shrewd. She chose the right person to assist her in something like this. But he wonders whether she might not need a measure of reassurance. ]
[Yuri was a shrewd man. It was not like Hayame had not known that before she invited him out. With him, there was always the risk that he would cut to the heart of the matter. Usually, he did it gently enough. Maybe that was why she continued to stay around him, despite her general distaste of prying or being known.
He has come to the heart of the current dilemma once more, with just that question. Her body language betrays her more than usual, because she is not used to controlling the subtle things a human body would do. The restless legs, the turn in of feet, the shift in hips away from him.]
... No. I have not told him yet.
[And yet why? If this was purely just a tool for infiltration, then why not tell him as casually as one might mention purchasing new arrows?]
[ It lines up with what she'd said before, he thinks. To "feel human" is a messy knot to unravel, and feeling that way with someone with whom she shares the most intimate sides of herself would surely be something she craves. At the same time, Yuri can well imagine it's daunting enough to paralyze.
Having a complicated history only compounds that, he can imagine. Letting someone in is hard enough, but this is different. Unique. Her body language suggests to him that he's likely right. ]
When you're more confident in this form... It's worth considering. He's quite the schemer, and I'd wager he'd be eager to offer up an idea or three.
[ Collaboration is something he has come to enjoy only recently, having so seldom even communicated his plans to others in the past. That's the easy aspect of this, a softer lead-in, because the rest... Yuri isn't sure whether it's his place to say the rest, yet she may need to hear it. ]
I don't know him as well as you do. Whatever form you take, his feelings won't change, yeah?
[ If she has considered Claude might fancy some temporary form over her true one, Yuri doesn't believe she needs to fear it. Claude has never struck him as the sort, even from his distant vantage point. ]
[A schemer. Ah. Claude was like that. He had... He had come up with schemes to make her think of him as a friend, and to gradually trust him, and to... to make her smile, and to let him in to her life and her heart. Not only was she concerned that he would just find out about this new ability of hers just on his own, using his wits and the knowledge of her he had at his disposal, but...]
I am not worried about his feelings. But what if...
[She didn't think... he would stop loving her. But she turns her head. Her fingers clutch unconsciously at the layered robes she now wears, and her teeth, no longer sharp, bite into her bottom lip. It's stupid. She shouldn't say anything. She should just...]
... What if he thinks we work together better this way?
[He would never say it. She knows he never would. But what if he thought it? For even an instant? She had never pretended that being with her, in particular... that any human and jinba being together was easy. Of course it would be easier if they were both jinba, both human... But if she wouldn't blame him for having that sort of accidental thought, even a brief flicker of "oh, it's better like this"...
[ So it is as he suspected. Given what he does know of Hayame's past, of how she feels about herself and some of the cruelties of her world, it's a natural worry. Even absent those things, he's sure a great many people would have that same anxious thought creep into their minds.
A natural worry indeed.
But one Yuri doesn't think Hayame ought to torment herself with. He recalls distinctly Claude's manner with her, in the wake of the torture that demon had put her through. Good at masking as Yuri recognizes Claude to be, he thinks it was clear as they all spoke how deeply his care runs.
His first response is to gesture to the seating nearby. It may be easier for her if they sit. ]
...I don't think he'd see it that way. Not in the way you're thinking of it.
[ He takes the seat further from where she stands, that she won't have to move as much when she's uncomfortable not only in a different form but discussing something that isn't at all easy for her. ]
For something like cramming yourselves into a cramped space, possibly, but not...as a couple.
[She definitely cannot sit down. If she sits down... then it will become a real discussion, and she does not wish to dignify this with a real discussion. It's stupid of her, and insecure, and she shouldn't have even opened her mouth. What she should have done is just thank Yuri for his help, try on more clothing, pick some, and then move on.
But she isn't. Her expression is growing more cross, more frustrated...
And yet she has sat down on one of the chairs in the dressing room presumably used for those who would like their friends' advice while trying things on. To her credit, she manages not to wobble, though she does hold her spine a bit strangely, used to sitting more like a slouched canine in her centaur form than... on her rump straight up and down. Her response takes time... but eventually,]
... Not on purpose.
[She wouldn't be with him at all... if she ever thought of him as a man who would be dissatisfied being with someone different from him in general. If she ever had a hint of it... She would have been gone. But also... she never thought she would be in a situation where he might know how much easier it would be to be with her as a human, like actually know and feel and see...]
[ Yuri waves the very notion away like a puff of smoke. He could say many things to that, but he opts for the simplest one to begin with. The one that should, in theory, leave no room for further concern where impugning Claude is concerned. ]
Hypotheticals aren't slander.
[ Yuri has no doubt that Claude has turned many a hypothetical about in his mind. He certainly has, about various things. About various people. Coming from a background such as his, it's often been a matter of survival. Hayame needn't think that he'll view her thoughts as a reflection on what she thinks of Claude.
Well, with one exception. It's clear that he's very dear to her, to worry so about his reaction to this form she now has access to. ]
Were I in a position similar to his, I'd think what matters is the individual, more so than their shape. He's never voiced dissatisfaction over being different, surely.
[ As best he understands it, the Claude of his timeline has dreams of unity between peoples who view one another as entirely different. So he'd heard, back in the brief time they'd all been at the academy.
In their world, those differences are in culture and appearance rather than build, but a man with such aspirations often has personal reasons behind them. That must hold true with this Claude too.
And someone like that, he thinks, would not be so easily swayed. Nor would a sharp-eyed bowman fail to see Hayame is most comfortable in her own skin. That'd matter more than any small convenience. ]
[Hayame almost says "no", that he never, ever did, because most days... She didn't feel as if it were so. She had always been the one between the two of them more worried about their differences- whether they could be overcome, whether others would judge them poorly for them. Except that... well. Even if it was couched in self-deprecating humor, and even if it had been... a rather intimate, heated moment...
Hayame clears her throat awkwardly, her cheeks flushing a more obvious, heated red. She cannot meet Yuri's eyes.]
Not... not a lasting dissatisfaction...
[She had assured him, hadn't she? About... that particular issue? It wasn't... a problem anymore, but-
But that wasn't the point! The point was... She definitely had to say something else, quick, less they both ended up lingering on what her words could possibly mean. And the point... it was far more sobering than a bit of insecurity disguised as a joke about the difference in human and jinba manhoods...]
But it. It would be only natural.
[To... have those sorts of accidental thoughts. Even if he did not voice them, and even if he even felt bad after having them...]
If I were human to think... "Oh, this height is better" or... "Now sharing a bed is easier"... or "This way we don't have to go to the market as much"...
[ Yuri notes the color burning her cheeks, but he doesn't remark upon it. This has to be difficult for Hayame and the last thing he wants to do is make her regret confiding in him. He considers what she's said and the potential implications, folding his arms across his chest. ]
It's natural to compare. You do it even when people are very similar.
[ Yuri has done so himself and been the subject of such comparisons, so he can speak from experience there. He has little by way of experience with genuine feelings for others, but this much he can speak to. When he was busy tolerating one noble or another's attentions, it passed the time to think on such things.
It's not at all the same, but it doesn't need to be, because— ]
But what if he concludes that he likes you best in your true form?
[ Has Hayame considered that possibility? Who she is and how she is are what Claude fell for. Does it strike her as so impossible that a man who boldly boops her nose may prefer her just the way she is? ]
[She knows it's natural. She knows, and that's why it's so damn frustrating, because there's nothing to blame and there shouldn't even be anything to be mad about. It's not even that she...]
I'm not doubting that.
[She didn't know about "best", but she knew... She knew he loved her the way she was. That's why this felt so petty and small of her to even think in the first place, and yet...]
... But he'll still know. Even if he'd still choose me like I am... Once he's seen me that way he'll know how it could have been.
[If things were different. If he had just fallen in love with someone else.]
[ Yuri is quiet for a spell, pondering her words. This is weighing heavily on Hayame, even though she has considered that Claude's feelings for her won't wane or change. It's a relief that she hasn't convinced herself against that.
Even so, this dread is there. This fear that presses down on her so heavily. It may be better to approach it from another angle. ]
Now, I only knew the Claude of my world at a distance. But I hear things. I make it my business to — information's a precious commodity, after all. And I can't help thinking that because of who you are and what you've been through, you can relate in ways others can't.
[ Yuri has been looked down upon, used, objectified. Not because he's different, save his androgynous beauty, but because he was poor. Being treated a certain way for being another race is something he's seen and heard from his people, from those of Duscur who went out on a limb to fight for a young king who strives to mend those wounds, but he hasn't been through it.
He and Hayame relate in certain ways, and surely she and Claude relate in others. Had she been born human, her experiences would be different, without question. Would he rather she had never suffered? Of course. But her resilience and desire to fight injustice are at least partly owed to what she has survived. ]
It's a complicated bit of business, but even if some aspects of life would be more convenient for you in this shape... Would you rather you were this way?
[It does not surprise her to hear Yuri explain his business when it comes to information- after all, that is part of why she had called on him for this entire task, knowing it would have the potential to allow her to gather the same, if she could only master how to look and act human. ... If she could only quench the discomforting anxiety she feels about it.
But what he says after that, about... relating. It makes her one remaining (no, one exposed) eye dart away again. Makes her remember... that day, months and months ago now, when Claude had talked his way into her stall where she had curled in the aftermath of Meridian's loss in the Iconoclast Oracle trial, bitter and pained by the sensations that had swept through their faction. The one when he had talked about... being fellow outsiders.
Who could relate in ways that others could not.
She both does and does not have to think about his question. Would she rather she were human? If she was, her life would be completely different. It would have been completely different... and she could not even imagine who that woman would be now. But if she could make the choice now?]
- It isn't a question of "rather".
[Because even if she thought "yes"... the bracelet was only temporary. She could not exist as a human, not really. She would only have approximately half a day before the spell would unravel, and then need to be recharged before she uses it again. So it couldn't... it couldn't even-]
But... There are no jinba in your world, are they?
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[Shape-shifting kitsune, or manipulative ghosts... that was not supposed to be real. But none of this was. None of it.]
"Novel" is not what I would call it.
[More rustling, fabric shifting. Slow, because she is busy thinking instead of-]
It is... not comfortable.
[She almost called it painful, but that would be something of a lie. She had felt like she was suffocating at first, to lack four lungs and only rely on two. Having only one heart had made her feel so empty. But it was not "painful", it was just...]
To be this small. And weak.
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It was strange, the mercenary had told him, but not unpleasant. In Hayame's case, it seems to be decidedly unpleasant indeed. ]
I won't deny that we can be fragile. But we've got other strengths, so it's just a matter of taking advantage of those when you need them.
[ He wants to say that she'll acclimate, but he doesn't know, and he suspects she wouldn't like the sound of it. So he focuses instead on practicality. ]
Stealth, for instance, seems to be something you've already considered.
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Everyone in Zenith, now in Highstorm too, after that Harbinger Oracle... They know of me as a "centaur". I stand out wherever I go.
[She pulls the curtain back, finally, revealing her form now clad in a much better fit, most of her swathed in cloth but for a single exposed eye, her dark hair and potentially identifiable face hidden with the way she has wrapped the headdress.]
- But how about now?
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Seeing how devoted she is to Meridian's cause, as well, that could have grown troublesome for her. But as she steps out, Yuri takes a few moments to thoughtfully assess her apparel. ]
...Worn like you do so every day.
[ With properly fitted garments, she doesn't stand out at all, save the fact that she's a fetching woman. ]
Anyone who doesn't know any better surely wouldn't suspect a thing.
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But she has always struggled with that. And the Oracles... what happened in the Iconoclast trial, the Harbinger trial... It only cemented for her, for better or for worse... that she needed to do more to make up for the weak amongst them.]
You surely exaggerate...
["Like she did every day"... she flusters just slightly and tugs at the garments, unused to having anything on her "hips" or legs.]
As long as it can fool the average eye I will make do with it...
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[ It doesn't benefit her or their cause if he humors her. The original set of clothing was too large and it was clear Hayame had difficultied with those garments. These, though, make it evident that it was the fit itself rather than the lack of familiarity.
No doubt observing those around her and her own experience made it a simple task, even if it's an uncomfortable one. ]
I think the ensemble will suit your needs. Have you had much practice moving around in this form?
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And her discomfort with the very new and strange sensation of so many clothes beneath her waist. To test them more, she begins to circle in the dressing room, slow and somewhat awkward, the way she holds herself a bit... odd. Sort of like someone... used to having a nearly half ton equine lower half "behind" her.]
... A little.
[Liem had helped her practice walking, sitting, getting up and down, but...]
I am aware I could use more.
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Your gait's on the stiff side. [ He won't mince words, and suspects that he's telling her something that she already knows. ] There're ways to work on that though.
[ In the past, Yuri has had to do similar. He was born of exceedingly modest means, which is to say no means at all, but his looks had attracted the attention of the affluent. That had necessitated a need for poise, for a certain flowing grace.
Then there's the near-silent strides that came of thievery and assassination work. He may be well-equipped to help Hayame work the kinks out of her disguise simply because of how much adaptation he has needed to do. ]
...Also, have you fought in this form?
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I have only done training on my own. I cannot draw my bow like this.
[It is simply too powerful a weapon, intended for the draw strength of a woman who could effortlessly lift hundreds of pounds because of her weight and musculature, not for a human woman.]
But I can still wield the naginata.
[And she... she would simply have to procure a proper bow. Yes. But that aside... She stops pacing in order to look at Yuri head on this time, her jaw set firm and stubborn (not... scared, not uncomfortable, surely).]
... I thought you might also be of assistance in those fields, not simply fashion.
[... Though she had needed to clothes, first, before she could, you know. Do much of anything else.]
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Fortunately, when her goals involve stealth, not wielding a sizable bow isn't a problem. ]
I can certainly do that. That way I walk that people other than you don't hear? Well within your means to master.
[ Among other things. Yuri'd be useless in terms of how to handle equine legs, but when it comes to human ones? He's got ample experience with moving just so. ]
Knives may serve you well in place of a bow here, as well. Easily concealed, and mine are suited for throwing. With your experience, it strikes me as a natural fit.
[ A good eye for gauging distance and compensating for wind direction and target movement are all as necessary for a sniper as they are for someone throwing knives, after all. ]
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She had never thought she would read, and now... she could make out a few of the more basic words on the signs in the store.
For Yuri's sake, she bites back the instinctual comment on how unwarrior-like throwing knives seem to be as an honorable weapon. Instead... she just nods. As much as she wants to avoid fighting altogether when she is this weak, hopefully just using it to go where she could not as a jinba...]
I would appreciate it.
[There is something else she wanted to... something else she wished for, to learn to be able to do, but...]
Whatever needs to be done so that... I will feel human.
[- to?]
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Well, he supposes she keeps more intimate business to herself, but most people do. That's her right. ]
Feel human or pass as human?
[ He asks, because with phrasing like that... She's a friend. He wonders. ]
You've always been human in all the ways that matter, as I see it. But having a clear image of your goal helps us get there.
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Her brow furrows. Her cheeks are slightly ruddy when she turns her gaze away.]
- "Pass". Or whatever the word. It does not matter.
[And if she thought anything else, it was... a fleeting weakness, that was all. A selfish thought that was probably... the path to insecurity and destruction. She shouldn't go down it anyway. Maybe... Maybe she shouldn't show Claude what this new bracelet of hers can do.]
As long as I grow accustomed to it to the point I do not feel so distracted in this shape.
no subject
Hayame, on the other hand... It must be a complicated thing, gaining a form that for others take for granted as normal and mundane. She's stood out among them all along, and now that she can blend in if she so chooses, she seems conflicted between what she wants and what she thinks she should pursue. ]
That's well within our capabilities.
[ Hayame can be shrewd. She chose the right person to assist her in something like this. But he wonders whether she might not need a measure of reassurance. ]
...Does Claude know about it?
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He has come to the heart of the current dilemma once more, with just that question. Her body language betrays her more than usual, because she is not used to controlling the subtle things a human body would do. The restless legs, the turn in of feet, the shift in hips away from him.]
... No. I have not told him yet.
[And yet why? If this was purely just a tool for infiltration, then why not tell him as casually as one might mention purchasing new arrows?]
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Having a complicated history only compounds that, he can imagine. Letting someone in is hard enough, but this is different. Unique. Her body language suggests to him that he's likely right. ]
When you're more confident in this form... It's worth considering. He's quite the schemer, and I'd wager he'd be eager to offer up an idea or three.
[ Collaboration is something he has come to enjoy only recently, having so seldom even communicated his plans to others in the past. That's the easy aspect of this, a softer lead-in, because the rest... Yuri isn't sure whether it's his place to say the rest, yet she may need to hear it. ]
I don't know him as well as you do. Whatever form you take, his feelings won't change, yeah?
[ If she has considered Claude might fancy some temporary form over her true one, Yuri doesn't believe she needs to fear it. Claude has never struck him as the sort, even from his distant vantage point. ]
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I am not worried about his feelings. But what if...
[She didn't think... he would stop loving her. But she turns her head. Her fingers clutch unconsciously at the layered robes she now wears, and her teeth, no longer sharp, bite into her bottom lip. It's stupid. She shouldn't say anything. She should just...]
... What if he thinks we work together better this way?
[He would never say it. She knows he never would. But what if he thought it? For even an instant? She had never pretended that being with her, in particular... that any human and jinba being together was easy. Of course it would be easier if they were both jinba, both human... But if she wouldn't blame him for having that sort of accidental thought, even a brief flicker of "oh, it's better like this"...
Why does she feel so afraid to show him?]
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A natural worry indeed.
But one Yuri doesn't think Hayame ought to torment herself with. He recalls distinctly Claude's manner with her, in the wake of the torture that demon had put her through. Good at masking as Yuri recognizes Claude to be, he thinks it was clear as they all spoke how deeply his care runs.
His first response is to gesture to the seating nearby. It may be easier for her if they sit. ]
...I don't think he'd see it that way. Not in the way you're thinking of it.
[ He takes the seat further from where she stands, that she won't have to move as much when she's uncomfortable not only in a different form but discussing something that isn't at all easy for her. ]
For something like cramming yourselves into a cramped space, possibly, but not...as a couple.
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But she isn't. Her expression is growing more cross, more frustrated...
And yet she has sat down on one of the chairs in the dressing room presumably used for those who would like their friends' advice while trying things on. To her credit, she manages not to wobble, though she does hold her spine a bit strangely, used to sitting more like a slouched canine in her centaur form than... on her rump straight up and down. Her response takes time... but eventually,]
... Not on purpose.
[She wouldn't be with him at all... if she ever thought of him as a man who would be dissatisfied being with someone different from him in general. If she ever had a hint of it... She would have been gone. But also... she never thought she would be in a situation where he might know how much easier it would be to be with her as a human, like actually know and feel and see...]
I do not intend to slander him...
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Hypotheticals aren't slander.
[ Yuri has no doubt that Claude has turned many a hypothetical about in his mind. He certainly has, about various things. About various people. Coming from a background such as his, it's often been a matter of survival. Hayame needn't think that he'll view her thoughts as a reflection on what she thinks of Claude.
Well, with one exception. It's clear that he's very dear to her, to worry so about his reaction to this form she now has access to. ]
Were I in a position similar to his, I'd think what matters is the individual, more so than their shape. He's never voiced dissatisfaction over being different, surely.
[ As best he understands it, the Claude of his timeline has dreams of unity between peoples who view one another as entirely different. So he'd heard, back in the brief time they'd all been at the academy.
In their world, those differences are in culture and appearance rather than build, but a man with such aspirations often has personal reasons behind them. That must hold true with this Claude too.
And someone like that, he thinks, would not be so easily swayed. Nor would a sharp-eyed bowman fail to see Hayame is most comfortable in her own skin. That'd matter more than any small convenience. ]
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Hayame clears her throat awkwardly, her cheeks flushing a more obvious, heated red. She cannot meet Yuri's eyes.]
Not... not a lasting dissatisfaction...
[She had assured him, hadn't she? About... that particular issue? It wasn't... a problem anymore, but-
But that wasn't the point! The point was... She definitely had to say something else, quick, less they both ended up lingering on what her words could possibly mean. And the point... it was far more sobering than a bit of insecurity disguised as a joke about the difference in human and jinba manhoods...]
But it. It would be only natural.
[To... have those sorts of accidental thoughts. Even if he did not voice them, and even if he even felt bad after having them...]
If I were human to think... "Oh, this height is better" or... "Now sharing a bed is easier"... or "This way we don't have to go to the market as much"...
[... Ah. Even if she did.]
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It's natural to compare. You do it even when people are very similar.
[ Yuri has done so himself and been the subject of such comparisons, so he can speak from experience there. He has little by way of experience with genuine feelings for others, but this much he can speak to. When he was busy tolerating one noble or another's attentions, it passed the time to think on such things.
It's not at all the same, but it doesn't need to be, because— ]
But what if he concludes that he likes you best in your true form?
[ Has Hayame considered that possibility? Who she is and how she is are what Claude fell for. Does it strike her as so impossible that a man who boldly boops her nose may prefer her just the way she is? ]
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I'm not doubting that.
[She didn't know about "best", but she knew... She knew he loved her the way she was. That's why this felt so petty and small of her to even think in the first place, and yet...]
... But he'll still know. Even if he'd still choose me like I am... Once he's seen me that way he'll know how it could have been.
[If things were different. If he had just fallen in love with someone else.]
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Even so, this dread is there. This fear that presses down on her so heavily. It may be better to approach it from another angle. ]
Now, I only knew the Claude of my world at a distance. But I hear things. I make it my business to — information's a precious commodity, after all. And I can't help thinking that because of who you are and what you've been through, you can relate in ways others can't.
[ Yuri has been looked down upon, used, objectified. Not because he's different, save his androgynous beauty, but because he was poor. Being treated a certain way for being another race is something he's seen and heard from his people, from those of Duscur who went out on a limb to fight for a young king who strives to mend those wounds, but he hasn't been through it.
He and Hayame relate in certain ways, and surely she and Claude relate in others. Had she been born human, her experiences would be different, without question. Would he rather she had never suffered? Of course. But her resilience and desire to fight injustice are at least partly owed to what she has survived. ]
It's a complicated bit of business, but even if some aspects of life would be more convenient for you in this shape... Would you rather you were this way?
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But what he says after that, about... relating. It makes her one remaining (no, one exposed) eye dart away again. Makes her remember... that day, months and months ago now, when Claude had talked his way into her stall where she had curled in the aftermath of Meridian's loss in the Iconoclast Oracle trial, bitter and pained by the sensations that had swept through their faction. The one when he had talked about... being fellow outsiders.
Who could relate in ways that others could not.
She both does and does not have to think about his question. Would she rather she were human? If she was, her life would be completely different. It would have been completely different... and she could not even imagine who that woman would be now. But if she could make the choice now?]
- It isn't a question of "rather".
[Because even if she thought "yes"... the bracelet was only temporary. She could not exist as a human, not really. She would only have approximately half a day before the spell would unravel, and then need to be recharged before she uses it again. So it couldn't... it couldn't even-]
But... There are no jinba in your world, are they?
[- Not just in Almyra. Anywhere.]
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omg comes to wrap this a million years later im sorry